it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
