well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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