Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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