New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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