So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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