he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
