I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
