I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
