I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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