Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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