Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
