Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
