I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
it's like iHOP with fire
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
