Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
well you can't waste a boner
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize