No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
