Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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