i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
