weddingsv make me drug and hornr
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
