So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
