Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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