don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
