Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
