Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Randomize
