I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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