It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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