first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
