When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
