cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
