tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Are we still banned from the library?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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