Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize