Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
