I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
