y did u give ur computer a hand job?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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