It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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