she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
