Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
