im about as happy as oj after his trial
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
