he shaved USA in his pubs
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
