It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
