My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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