Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Randomize
