so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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