He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
