Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
