where am i from again
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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