Screwed.edu
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
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