I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize