I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
