there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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