either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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