I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
