I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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