I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
