Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
