yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
