he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Randomize
