ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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