OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
