We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you didnt know i had herpes?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
