wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
