We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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