I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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