You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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