Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
did you just send me my own nude
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
