Who wears a wallet chain?!
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Randomize
