mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
