i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
