we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm at about main and main street
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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