Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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