I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
