the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
