I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
