Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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