For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
