i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
