Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
