UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
