roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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