No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
