Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I did not marry a roomba.
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