my phone needs a breathalizer
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
