Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
