This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
