halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize