everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
