Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
