Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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