Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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