dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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