I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
