dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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