got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
