To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
