I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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