ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
