Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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