i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
