dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize