I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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