i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
