Duck Duck Cougar?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
