I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
