Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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